Blame and Judgement Are Running Your Life, and How You Can Get It Back

What if there was a way we could simply and efficiently eliminate most of our frustrations in our romantic and work relationships? What if what is stopping us is simply asking ourselves “what we want” and communicating it?

I work with youth now (4th graders the other day), and I’ve garnered lots of insight from them about fulfillment. The insight came after we asked kids “what makes you happy” and they all answered immediately with great certainty. Moreover, they do WHAT THEY LOVE. I realized that as adults, not only we don’t DO what we want, we often don’t KNOW what we want.

For mylsef, I spend an LOT of time focusing on what I don’t want instead of focusing on what I want/what makes me happy. I spend energies on blaming, judging, controlling and getting frustrated when things don’t go my way, instead of focusing on what I want. I think in a way, we forgot how to: “Ask and receive”. Kids do that. I think as an adult, I’ve someone gotten too caught up in stress, pressures, appearances, stupid behaviors and things that don’t really matter to me.

I had a breakthrough today and saw a solution for me! Take out ALL blame and judgement from the equation, i.e. it’s no one else’s fault, and ask “What do I want?” A seemingly simple question, but perhaps too often overlooked as societal pressures weigh on us.

In getting what you want in a relationship (work or romantic), here is how I see the application of this breakthrough in practice:Screen Shot 2015-04-27 at 11.02.22 AM

  • Step 1: Make a conscientious decision to remove blame and judgement completely from your vocabulary.
  • Step 2: Find out what it is that you really want/what would make you fulfilled.
  • Step 3: Communicate that clearly to the person WITHOUT blame or judgement.
  • Step 4: Be prepared to be amazed!

This example on the right illustrates probably 95% of work situations. I think this is the identical process in relationships. Blame and judgements are made, so are assumptions, they closely followed by resentment and frustration. What if our path to fulfillment is much simpler (albeit not necessarily easy) than we thought?

What are your thoughts? Do you already do this/does it work for you? Can you think of a time that you blamed someone else for something, yet you didn’t actually communicate what you wanted in your life? Do you think you know what you want in a relationship/in life?

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