A Simple Tool to Build Trust in Any Relationship


I would like to share a practical real-life experience in building trust. This is something I’ve experimented with my roommate and good friend Anouk. It’s called the “No-are-you-sure” rule*.
In short, it involves trusting someone else’s word by eliminating the words  “Are you sure?” when someone offers you something.
What do I mean by that? Here are some common examples of use-cases where one could reply “Are you sure?”:
  • “I would rather go to Chinese food, but I’d love to go to Mexican food if that’s your preference.”
  • “Sure, I can lend you my car. I would have needed it, but I can walk instead. So i would be my pleasure for you to borrow it.”
  • “I can help you with that project you are working on.”
The nature of the reply “Are you sure?” is often either born of self-confidence or trust issues. One example is that you don’t believe that person would want to help you (self-confidence). The other is that you don’t believe that person is saying what is on their mind (trust).
IMO, the consequences of saying “Are you sure?” are:
  1. Wasted time and related frustration
  2. Ambiguity (does he/she actually want to help me?
  3. Lack of trust (we don’t know what the other person is feeling)
In short, the key thing to do is to trust that the other person is telling you the truth. That what they are saying is genuine. Assume that all the time, it would be their pleasure to help/assist you, and the “are you sure?” can diminish that.
From our little experiment as roommates, the results have been dramatic. We now trust each others’ words 100%, and the result is a forever strengthened friendship.
So my suggestion is that the next time someone offers you something and you feel bad about it, say “Oh wow! Thank you for that!”
So that’s it for now! As usual, please leave any comments/ suggestions/feedback! Was this useful? Missing something? And of course, let me know if you try this one out!
Bye for now!

*(Translated from French “No es-



One thought on “A Simple Tool to Build Trust in Any Relationship

  1. Doing this really made a huge impact on how I react to receiving/asking for favors. I went from feeling kind of guilty and shy to ask for a favor, to feeling grateful and confident when receiving one.

    I think it can also be a positive experience for people who are not able to say no when asked a favor, i.e. who will say ”yes, you can use my car” even if they don’t really feel that way.

    Liked by 1 person

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